There are books on how to get pregnant, what to expect from pregnancy, traversing the terrible two’s, raising boys, raising girls, and even surviving the treacherous teen years. We seek out Mommy groups to learn the tips and tricks of raising a household, feeding them nutritionally & creatively, get the latest educational learning games, and join numerous play groups. We scour Pinterest for ideas around organizing their toys, the books, and all the clothes. And it’s all there. Tips for days. Ideas galore. But where are the loads of books, tips & Pinterest boards on how to let these precious, all consuming, creatures from our womb, go? We do all this raising and then they go out in to the big, scary, far away world. And how we can be okay with these appendages not constantly attached to our hips 24/7? What I discovered on my journey, is that the support for how to have and raise these precious gifts, begins to slack off, when it comes to “how to handle the letting go” of them.
It’s terrifying. Almost crippling. To think that my sweet babe will no longer be under my roof every night tucked into his big boy bed, safe and sound. No! now he’s headed off, out of state, a days drive away, to an institution of higher learning. Nay, in his mind “Freedom!” So, I smile through gritted teeth, because while I’m excited for him, I am petrified with fear. Even though I successfully survived the “midnight curfew” stage during high school, with a little help from the “find friends” app, this is a whole new level of angst.
Let’s consider, I have spent the last 20+ years of my life constantly considering him in every decision I make. I think through his daily sustenance, sleep schedule, health, & wellbeing. I organize the entire family schedule around his annual progressive activities; school, appointments, sports, friends, tutoring, youth group, chores, church camp, dating, part time jobs, SAT’s, scholarship & school applications, dorm forms, orientations, dorm supply shopping, move in deadlines.
And then all of a sudden…it stops. Just like that. The house is quiet. I am alone with my thoughts. I suddenly have a calendar with nothing on it. I remember how I dreamed of that day, but now I sit in disbelief. Then I see it. There is something on my calendar. It’s the end of the semester. I start counting the weeks, then days until the end of the semester. I begin to red mark X the days until I see him again. I can’t wait. Then I look up and I begin to canvas the house. I walk around this big ol’ place aimlessly. It seems huge now. I notice a miracle. It’s clean. Then I make the mistake of going into his room. Which by the way, is spotless too, because as I packed, I cleaned and culled asking him about every article of clothing before donating it. I sit down in the cozy chair by the window as my head falls into my chest and the tears flow and I let out a wale. “I beseech the Lord to watch over him. I thank you Jesus for all the beautiful years with him in my home, in my arms, in my watchful care and I ask You Savior to continue to care for our boy in my absence. Lord guard his words, his eyes, his heart and mostly grow his faith into his own. An unwavering faith fully understanding he is loved by the King of Kings. What a gift it has been to be his mom. To have a front row seat to his raising. I am overwhelmed by this joy and responsibility. And I wouldn’t have missed it for anything. Thank you Lord. Now I ask you to teach me to Empty Nest. As I transition into a Mom of an adult, help me do this with patience. Because if I do this well Lord, our gift one day, will be to graduate from Mom & Dad into “Tanny & Duck,” which you can bet I’ve already pick out our names and oh, that will be so much fun.” Blessings to you all as you journey through parenting.
Some tips on thriving through learning to empty nest well.
Close it out well. Don’t let the stress of preparation, celebration and culmination of a season overtake the joy of this milestone. These are the days your new adult will remember more vividly than childhood. Let them see you handle it with grace, love and laughter. Make beautiful memories they will take with them and hold close to their heart as they transition. There will be times of homesickness and stress. It’s during those times they will recall the beauty of home and that the love of their parents will always be strong.
Practically speaking, don’t over pack. It’s too hard when the semester is over to have to pack all that back up and move it out to another dorm, or living domicile or back home. Simplify. Less is more. And use IKEA bags from amazon for soft goods. Scroll social media for current students or university lifestyle posts to gander the dorm set up so that you can begin to prepare what you will and won’t need. Use Amazon to send them additional items once they settle in. Trust me they will think of something two weeks in and boom, a package is fun to receive.
Good habits: Review simple household cleanliness roles of thumb, like “wash your sheets and duvet cover monthly,” because they aren’t going to do it weekly like they you do. Teach them during high school how to separate laundry according to color and how to use spray n wash for heavens sake so they don’t bring home stained and ruined clothes in 5 months.
Necessities: You know your person. Fill a plastic mini drawers with household necessaries you know they will need. Here are a few examples to get you started: Drawer 1 = medicine such as pain relief, cold meds and first aid. Drawer 2 = command strips, scissors. Drawer 3 = supplies. Start buying months in advance and have a staging area. Often times the local stores are packed the week of move in and many items are out of stock. So go ahead and get the organizers, water filter pitcher, and an individual coffee maker. They are gonna need it. Wait for buying the drinks & snacks once you are in your college town. And do at least one care package of sweet surprises that mean something to them, half way through the semester. The first year is hard. This means a lot to them.
This one is for you Momma’s & Daddy’s. Plan on an excursion of some sort after you get your sweet babe settled in on campus. For us, we just couldn’t leave the state just yet. After we said our goodbyes, hugged for the 100th time, and prayed with our boy, we pulled away from campus just to quickly pull into an adjacent parking lot to bawl our eyes out. We realized we just couldn’t bring ourselves to point our vehicle toward home. My husband said “find something for us to do close by.” We found interesting places to explore on the outskirts a few hours out of town, just to stay somewhat close to our boy and begin to explore the state in which he now resides. After a couple of days walking through museums, driving through the country side, eating at a few local small town haunts, and crying intermittently; both of us, my husband finally looked at me and said, “I think I can go home now, how about you?” I nodded my head and said through tears “ya, I guess we should.” So he pointed the front of our car toward the state line and we drove in silence for several hours. Walking back in to our home felt different. We learned that we had a few luxuries in store for us. Like not having to cook every night. We started sharing meals at restaurants more often, which kind of makes you feel closer to each other. More in sync. And you save so much money. I mean we are counting our pennies more these days. College life ain’t cheap. It’s a bit reminiscent of when we first married and we looked for things to do on the weekends. That hasn’t happened in 20 years. And it’s not like every weekend, but the fact that it is happening again some is magical. So that’s fun.
More than anything, hold tight to God. He will get you through the rough days. Letting go is hard, but it is the right thing to do. You have completed the most important job God created for you to do. It was quite an adventure and my ultimate joy. I pray my boy looks back on his growing up years and says what he said when he was a little boy..."you a nice Momma." And on that day I stand before Him, I long to hear from my Father "well done, good and faithful servant."